And so there is this thing that when we feel pain, our body reacts physiologically to guard us against it…and what we do psychologically is to create a story to deal with it…so and so did not respond to my email because she really doesn’t like me, she is mad at me and basically because I suck as a person.  I had recently done this to Linda Q after her not responding to a couple of emails and a text.  It is a feeling we get that somehow we are threatened and we rush to make sense of it.  Artists tend to be particularly vulnerable to this given their sensitivity and the fact that they are putting themselves out there everyday…did people “like” my photos on Facebook…OMG was I a total victim of that trap.  Seth Godin says to pull the plug…those people, most of them liking or ignoring you art, or even liking it, do not have their own skin in the game and besides it is so incredibly subjective…at any rate, it helps to be clear that you do have a small list of people whose opinion you value and welcome, even though it may hurt, because they are riding in the same boat as you are everyday.  And pretty much ignore the rest.

Apparently it is also helpful to write down the little stories you tell yourself when you feel shunned or hurt so that you can look at them a bit later and realize how silly they are, see them from a more objective and less emotional viewpoint.20170228-100F0378-Edit-Edit

I was listening to Sam play the beginning of a new work by Beethoven and I commented that it sounded a little discordant, was he playing the chords right…he seemed to suddenly become a little distant.  I then talked with him a few moments later about the above and he noted how he had been hurt by my comment and how he struggled to process it….I assured him that I had no intent of putting him down or his playing…but there it is…he like me, like most of us, get hurt when it was not at all intended and we immediately start constructing some sort of story to make sense of what just happened.

 

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